I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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