Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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