I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
