I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
