Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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