i don't want you to think of me as your TA
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
