she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
