i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
