I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His nipple licking is glorious
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