Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
