my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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