I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize