She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize