Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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