Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
