Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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