in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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