there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize