he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
