I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
