I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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