The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
