My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
