And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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