he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
