It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
