I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
