So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you had me at cake vodka
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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