we're chasing vodka with high fives
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let's get the cat blown out
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
