So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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