she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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