We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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