I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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