i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
