we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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