I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
