rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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