butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I want a musical about memes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
