alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
