I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize