the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
