this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize