we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
