I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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