just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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