Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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