fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this boner is exhausting
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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