so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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