my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
