oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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