Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we're so committed to being not committed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
