I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
