my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
