omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
