I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
