It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
