Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
