i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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