Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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