Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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