this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
