Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
