I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
