All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize