Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
