I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
