I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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