I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
