Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
