Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
